Who’s the Narcissist, Him or Her?

How many women label guy as narcissists before even looking at themselves? It’s become all too common lately. Maybe the woman is the one who’s the narcissist. Women commonly “psychoanalyze” guys and conclude that they’re narcissistic. Support groups for “victims”: of narcissistic guys are springing up all over. Many of the women think that they’re “empathy,” and that their empathetic specialness is what draws narcissistic men to them. It’s a common mindset.

There are real cases of the psychological disorder of narcissism, in varying degrees Narcissism is a spectrum, with each of us landing somewhere on on it. Many people are recovering narcissists. Just about every person goes through a narcissistic stage before passing on to their next stage of growth. This usually happens when people are toddlers or young children.

But some people never grew out of it. Many who don’t are women. When these women talk about how narcissistic their exes were, they’re usually just projecting their own inflated sense of self-importance or, in other words, their own narcissism. The guys are just caring for themselves as best they can, and the women interpret that as an assault in their own needs. This is because the women are finding that their expectations regarding how the guys should behave are not being met. This perfectly fits the narcissist’s trait of being unable to put themselves in somebody else’s place.

In other words, the guy isn’t a narcissist; he just isn’t into the women enough after her nagging, her pushing, and her mothering him. Often, women with these traits and patterns require therapy. Their therapist should have a deep knowledge of the dynamics of relationships between men and women, plus a deep, genuine understanding of male psychology.  It’s not something that can be memorized and approached shallowly. It’s all deeper, more intuitive knowledge. Fully integrated, balanced therapists will be able do this most effectively.

Here are the basics on the traits that categorize someone as narcissistic:

  • They can’t empathize. In other words, they aren’t able to put themselves in other people’s shoes. Their own feelings and needs are always necessarily tantamount, and those needs and feelings must always be expressed and heeded.
  • They aren’t aware of their own emotions, flaws, and toxic behaviors.
  • They have a profound victim mentality.
  • They are unable to be introspective.
  • They always demand and fully expect to be empathized with and understood, and treated with kindness without judgment. But at the very same time, they totally lack the ability to treat other people likewise.
  • They’re trapped inside of self-imposed mental boundaries. These boundaries force them to personalize every little incident as a personal attack on them, or to make the incident all about them.
  • They have great difficulties when it comes to relating to other people.
  • They have a deep sense of separation from the rest of the world, which only serves to further isolate them from others, plunging then deeper and deeper into the toxic cycle.

These are just the most common traits of narcissists. When women struggle with these things, their narcissism the main reason they have difficulties with guys. And many such women are not only unwilling, but are also unable to own their own mistakes, so the easiest thing for them to do is to shift responsibility away from themselves. This is why it seems there’s such an epidemic of narcissistic guys.

In other words, there really is an epidemic of low emotional intelligence in women. This makes it impossible for men to commit to them. They women are energy vampires, which makes most men emotionally unavailable.

When these women are finally ready to admit that they have to stop trying to fix others and start working on themselves, their emotional intelligence has the potential to increase. When they’re ready to own their mistakes and face their own demons, then real change can begin and their emotional intelligence will certainly grow.

This isn’t an easy thing to do, especially since they are narcissists and they’re exhibiting the very same traits that they’re accusing the guys of exhibiting. This is quite obviously a very self-serving and loose way to be. But the moment they’re ready to face their blind spots and to truly change, their lives will be transformed, sometimes very quickly.

The bottom line is this: what you’re not willing to recognize in yourself you will project on to others. Then when you’re pointing a finger at others, you have three of your own fingers pointing right back at yourself.

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