Love is a word that can be more confusing that most things. The hardest time to love is right at the beginning of a relationship when you first realize that you begin to have feelings for someone. What do you feel and what does true love really feel like? Maybe you are feeling something else?
Love is the idea of humanity and is one thing that everyone can answer over and over again but never really understand it.
Love is something that we feel with strong emotions and we show it by how we behave. Our brain plays a role that causes there to be strong feelings of protectiveness and compassion and affection, but love isn’t always one way or another way.
Some people compare their feelings of love for someone they loved in the past. Love is something that is always changing based on how we feel and how our preferences change.
When you are younger, love is different and when you get older, it is like you experience love again for the first time because it is real. There are different values of love and some of those are:
- Putting their needs over yours.
- Feelings of attachment.
- Strong emotions
- Longing for someone when they are not there.
Even though none of those feelings prove that you love someone they indicate strong feelings that you have for them. The best way to understand what love is, is to see how it changes from beginning to end. Love is not easy, and loving can be the hardest decision that someone makes.
Knowing You’re in Love
It is never easy to know if you are in love or not and if someone says they love you but you aren’t sure if you are ready to love them or not, you need to be honest. Maybe, the person that you think you love is about to get with someone else and you decide you should say something before it’s too late, but how do you know if your feelings are real?
Love is more than a feeling and is an experience that we have every day. Love is how we shape the way that we live, moving to a new place, giving up things, starting a family and more. Love decides how you are going to live your life. Make sure that you have true love before you choose to commit.
There is no real way that you can know if you are really in true love, but you must ask yourself a few questions such as, “Can I be happy with this person only?” “Do I want to tell them I love them?” “Do I care more about how happy I am than how happy they are?” “Am I infatuated or lusting for them?”
You have to understand the different types of affection such as lust, love and infatuation so that you can know.
Difference Between Love, Lust and Infatuation
When we think of someone over and over and make decisions by them, we think we are in love but sometimes we just are lusting for them. The line is thin but there is a difference between the two that is so important to know.
Love, infatuation and lust are three things that are very similar but when you have true affection for someone, your brain changes. This is when there are feelings behind your emotions and your brain sometimes becomes confused.
You have to learn to understand and determine how true your feelings are. To understand the differences, you have to know that there are three levels of intimacy: physical, emotional and intellectual. Each layer of this can determine if you are in love, lust or infatuation.
What is Lust
Lust is a physical affection that you have. You want to touch them and let out your physical energies. You want to have sex and them to return it to you. They excite you and your brain needs to have them matching your feelings.
If your partner is lazy and doesn’t return your desires, you can get over them fast but if it evolves you become attracted to someone more than just for sex.
What is Infatuation
Infatuation is affections of physical and emotional but not normally intellectual. This begins as lust and attraction and having sex and then you become attached to who the person is, and you want to have their attention.
You have an emotional bond that forms because you start feeling bad whenever they don’t give you attention. The emotional connection happens, and you begin to feel this as an emotional need. Infatuation can be one sided and can be harmless but can be mentally trying.
What is Love
Love is the three layers of intimacy that form together in emotional, intellectual and physical bonds. Love is different than lust and infatuation because love can begin in any form and then continue the bon.
What is important is that all three layers of this intimacy are meant in a real relationship and this creates the strongest bond that people can have together.
Even if things fade over time, the initial intimacy was enough to help couples stay together happily forever.
If you want to understand your feelings better, you can think about the “Triangular Theory of Love,” by Sternberg. He talks about how there has to be three parts in order to make a real commitment and that is intimacy, passion and commitment.
This is the feeling of being connected with someone. Intimacy happens when you bond.
Passion is the sexual desire that you have for someone.
This is wanting long term ideas for the relationship.
Each thing has its own place that has to be filled and with these there are different types of elements that can make different types of love including:
- Nonlove-This is where there are no levels of intimacy.
- Like-one level is filled.
- Infatuation-where only passion is there.
- Emptiness-only one commitment is there.
- Romance-intimacy and passion are there.
- Companionate-this is where decision and intimacy are there
- Fatuous-passion and commitment.
- Consummate-intimacy and passion and commitment are filled.
Here are some things you can ask yourself about intimacy:
- How are you and your partner connected?
- Do you understand each other?
- Does your partner understand how you feel?
- Does your partner excite you?
- Do you want them when they aren’t there?
- Do you think of them throughout your day?
- Are you wanting all of your partner?
- Do you feel responsible for their actions?
- Do you want to protect them?
You cannot fake love and love is something that can make you have a strong bond together. Love takes you and makes you fall deeply for a person. Sometimes after being friends for years you will find that you have more feelings for them.
No matter how it starts, love can come in different forms and there are some things that we must remember such as love is not an emotion, it is meant to be shared, love should be a happy and positive thing, love cooperates with each other and does not only think of itself.
Love is a big thing, figure out how you feel about someone before you say those three words, “I love you.”